I Chose This Life

 Several months ago I had the mother of one of my kids' friends offer to 'help with university' as I 'must feel like I've been held back and unable to truly make something of my life due to my horrible past.'. 

She wasn't super impressed by the fact that I work at a dairy farm. Didn't I feel cheated out of making something of my life by not going to university like she was able to? 

Umm...nope! 

I have always loved working with dairy cows, not necessarily always with certain people over my 20+ years in the dairy industry but, I have never regretted my decision to not go to university and pursue a different career.

I love where God has placed me today. I am able to spend time with and homeschool my son Dexter, I am available for any and all medical appointments and school functions for my girls AND I only live 5 minutes from my job! I mean really, why would I complain?!?!?

An added bonus, is that I am able to contribute financially to our household, which is a big thing for me. I have tried being the stay at home mom that I see so many other women achieve (with success, I might add), but that life is just not for me or my family...at least not at this stage of our lives.

I don't feel gipped out of being able to go to University. It's not that I am against it or anything, I've just not had enough of an inkling to go, never mind spend the money on it. It has been and still remains a willful decision on my part.

So ladies, please leave other women alone. Don't attack their career choices or lack thereof. It's one thing if someone is searching for help/assistance in an area, but don't make them feel like they are 'less than' just because they do something that to you is a little on the ordinary side. 

Who Is Allowed To Have A 'Say' In Your Life?

"You need to wear makeup." 

"Don't wear your hair like that, it makes your face look too long." 

"Keep your teeth together, you look grumpy when your jaw is open."

"You had sex before marriage, you can't wear a white wedding dress." 

"You will never keep a job more than a year if you leave this one." 

"You should write in a private journal and not in a blog."

All of the above statements were said directly to me.

For some reason, that last one really ate at me and I have been allowing it to erode my purpose in writing in this blog.

While I do find it to be healing in sharing my thoughts and experiences, my main reason for starting and continuing this blog is to help others who have found or are in the process of finding themselves in similar situations.

Yes, I do write some more personal details and whatnot, but how else are we to reach others if we are hiding our true selves in the process? 

Who else other than myself, is in charge of what I choose to share about my life and innermost feelings and experiences? 

I am going to dig up the Laura that started this blog, to reach inside myself and unchain the grit and determination that I've had for so many years. 

Putting a stop to the intrusive thoughts, ignoring the people who discourage, and not allowing the every day stresses of life to put a stop to my current purpose in life needs to be of utmost importance right now.

What Are You Thankful For ?

What with this past weekend being Thanksgiving, I'm sure we've all had people asking us this question.

Some of the obvious answers I think we've all heard or even said ourselves are our homes, children, spouses, salvation, church, etc, etc.

However, have you ever thought to actually thank God for the trials that He has allowed you to deal with and go through?  Or have you become bitter and disgruntled over those things?

I can't say that I am covered by armor that protects me from some of the harsh comments from some of you. I am (after all) human and have feelings like anybody else.

I know that for myself, the things that God has ALLOWED to happen to me throughout my entire life have made me into more of the person that HE wants me to be.

Looking at the fact that my relationship with my mom has been dissolved, it has changed my heart as a mother myself.
I am taking the time to not care as much if my house is spotless (which it RARELY is) and spending more time when my girls want to cuddle, play outside, or just sit and watch a movie with me.

I thank God every day for my children and the great joy they bring to my life.

With my siblings no longer being in my life, it has made me much more patient inside. 
Yes, I can train horses and deal my little ones patiently, but when it came to other things my heart wasn't nearly as patient.
I know that God has and is working in my brothers' and sister's hearts and that one day I will be able to get together with them as a family and that our children will finally get to know each other.

It has been said that I need to get down and go to them and talk, but that has already been done on my part.
I have found peace in knowing that I have done what I need to, to bring reconciliation between my siblings and I. The rest is off my shoulders.

I will not lie just so that there can be a good relationship, that goes against everything I believe and what the Bible teaches.

I have been blessed to have a little communication (although not always positive) with a few of my brothers.
And I thank God for being able to keep close with the majority of my extended family down in the U.S., even in the midst of the storm I have found true family and friends.

I am constantly being honed and refined into the woman that I need to be, and tho it hurts alot at times I know that as long as I stay close to Him I will continue to grow and mature.

So, the next time you start to feel over-whelmed with something(s) that's going on in your life, just remember that nothing happens that God doesn't have to allow first.

And no matter what it is that you're having to deal with, if you stay close to Him you will be better for it.

September 30th, 2011

I heard something quite amusing this past week.

Apparently, there's a rumor going around that my blog has been shut down due to police investigation.

While I have no idea if the police are interested in my blog, it is definitely still up and running.  :)

                    ----------------------------------------------------------------------

It has been a busy summer, and now that my two oldest have started grade 1 life has again changed for me as a mom.

I am currently part of a moms' group here at our church, and this morning we had a guest speaker come in and talk to us about what GOD wants for our children and their futures.
She said that even though we may see a natural talent in our child, want them to follow in our footsteps, or even change what WE may think is a bad personality trait, how we 'train' or talk to our child has a huge impact on his/her future.

I was immediately brought back to the time when I was about 9 years old and my fathers' church held a missions conference.
There were some missionaries on their way to Kenya, Africa and I felt such a burden for those little kids in the poor areas.
I remember going forward and surrendering my life to the mission field of Africa. I also had a massive love for science and pretty-much all things that had to do with nature, dirt, animals, medicine, (oh yeah, I could go on and on) 
So I decided that not only would I be a missionary to Africa, I would be a missionary DOCTOR to Africa!

I remember seeing my parents on several occasions, bragging to people that were passing through or just some of the new people that they were getting to know, that their oldest child was going to be a missionary doctor to Africa.
I could always hear the great pride in my moms' voice as she would talk to her friends about my 'calling'.

I can't remember the exact year that it was, but I do remember finding out that in order to become a doctor you had to 'endure' at least 7 years of college/university....I remember looking at my mom and saying, "NO WAY!!!"
That was just too much schooling for this girl!
I then decided that I would become a nurse. There was a hospital that had a two year nursing course, so I thought that it would be perfect for me.

As the years went on, the desire and 'calling' didn't seem nearly as strong or clear to me. Yes, I had compassion for the children and families in war torn areas of Africa, but the desire and longing to go and help felt like it was fading away.

I know that my mom is still extremely disappointed in me because of my decision to not become a missionary in a foreign field.
But I am quite a stubborn/strong-willed individual (in case you all haven't noticed), and I believe that God did give me that desire and calling in my life as a child to keep me focused on something that was totally God centered.

I NEEDED something like that to stay on the  'straight and narrow' as they call it. God knew that, as He knows all His children inside and out.

a lot
No one else could get a person through such hard times and trials as I and others have had to endure at the hands of my own flesh and blood.

Proverbs 22:6
    Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old he will not depart from it.


For quite some time now, I have viewed that verse differently. Not just because of my own life experiences but also because of how I look at my Beautifuls.(that's what I call my daughters)

When we look at that verse and see that it says 'the way he should go', I believe that too many of us parents are the ones deciding what the 'way' is for our children's' lives.

How do we as mere human beings know what GOD'S plan is for our children??

I've told a few friends of this particular story, but now I'll fill you in too. I believe that it may help some of the mothers out there. ('cause I know it helped me)

car-seats
I would envision us getting into a car accident of some sort, and not being able to escape, etc.

Then one morning as I was heading home from milking at a dairy farm, it hit me... Who was I to be so concerned with these crazy fears of mine, when they're not my children...They're GOD'S!
I had to pull the car over because I started to cry so much.
I was supposed to care, nurture, and protect my beautifuls, but it wasn't any of my business to concern myself with the things that were out of my control.

I (for some reason) was blessed enough by God Himself to give me these three little lives to raise for Him.
To do whatever HE wants them to.

Even those little babies that God has seen fit to take back to Himself were blessings to the parents for the short time they were here.

I love my daughters SO MUCH, but it would be bad for them if I were to concern myself with earthly desires that I may have for their lives/futures.

All THREE of my beautifuls are strong-willed and stubborn. (JUST LIKE ME!!)
But I can also say, from personal experience, that being strong-willed and stubborn can give amazing results when aimed in the direction that God has given.

Have I slipped along the way?  Oh yeah!  But God is merciful, and gracious, and...believe it or not....He loves us more than any love you can or will experience here on earth.

Though my girls may not (probably won't) always do what I think is the right thing to do, I hope that I can be a guiding and strong influence in their lives so that they can look at their mom and her life and say, 'I want to be like my mom and serve God!'

August 18, 2011

The last several months have been VERY interesting for me, to say the least!
When I started this blog, I kind of figured it would ruffle a few feathers but I had NO idea as to how big it would really get.

I can honestly say, in spite of the threats and 'insinuations' of lawsuits and what-not, that I do not regret anything that I have and will write on my blog.

This is my life and my story, no one can take that away from me.

Now that I have children of my own, I cannot imagine NOT standing up for what is right.

Not too long ago, I had one of my daughters ask me why I ran away from home when I was younger.  It was really the first time that this particular subject had come up.
It didn't take long, but after a short (vague) explanation, another one of my girls piped up..."So that's why we're not supposed to talk to anyone we don't know...Because you want to keep us safe!"

I breathed a HUGE sigh of relief.....After somewhat fearing how and what I would say to my children regarding my family 'situation', my super smart girls 'got it'!

Neither my father,mother, nor any of my siblings have met my daughters.
I would LOVE for my mom to be able to meet her twin grand-daughters...But that will never happen if I'm not allowed to be there.

I know that my mom always wanted to have twins as her last children, and to not be able to share my joys and trials of actually having twins myself gets to be quite hard.

Not a day goes by that I don't wish I had my mom to turn to...To share my inner-most thoughts and feelings with.

I love my mom VERY MUCH and no matter what, that will never change.
Even though I cannot understand how she can turn away from her oldest daughter, I do not and cannot fault her for that.  She doesn't know any different.

Even though it has been almost 13 years since I 'ran away', the pain is still there. It's just a matter of how you deal with that pain that God will use you.

August 5, 2011 My Story Is Not Over Yet

I've had a few people asking if this is it? If this is the end to my story?

My answer is a definitive NO!

It has been a VERY busy summer, and frankly, I've needed to take a bit of a break from all the harrassment I've received on here.

I saw a piece of recent correspondence between my husband and a member of my family. (I will not say who)
In it, this person said, (and I quote)

" It is commendable and expected that you would stand with Laura.  Knowing what you think you know anyone would do the same.  In the coming days and months as the wheels of truth turn and more comes to light she will need all the support she can get.  The blog is a perfect example and now with so much that has been said and in print more can be dealt with as lies and deceit are exposed for what they are. As people state things those issues become record and verifiable and defensible.  Laura knows the truth and one day she will have to prove it. "

I have to say that I TOTALLY agree with the author! 

As much as I can see this was POSSIBLY intended as a threat, this is all very true.

My blog (as well as Pete Reimer's) is a perfect example of how the truth can and will set a person free.

Lies and deceit are being uncovered and individuals and families have and are being set free.   

Something that we need to continue to be careful of, is to not be doing anything in a spirit of revenge or 'right fighting'.

If we jump ahead of ourselves and decide to take matters into our own hands, then we can be putting a block in front of what the Holy Spirit has intended to do.

Proverbs 24:17-18

17 Rejoice not when thine enemy falleth, and let not thine heart be glad when he stumbleth:

18Lest the LORD see it, and it displease him, and he turn away his wrath from him.

I have tried my best to tell my story as truthfully as I can, I'm not trying to lie and twist things to my advantage.

These are just my accounts of what I personally experienced.

My children are now 6 and 3 and have already asked me a couple of questions regarding why I ran away from home. After some discussion, I was relieved that they 'got' it!

My girls are very smart and extremely intuitive, and there's not a whole lot I can keep from them (Although I will say that they do NOT know everything regarding my situation!)

No matter what kind of 'dirt' I've had slung at and about me from some of my siblings, I still have hope that I and my children will be able to reunite with them on GOOD terms one day. 

Someone had commented to me quite a while ago, as to how it was kind of sad that it had to be me that brought so much out into the open.

My answer to her was, "why NOT me?"  I've been gone for quite a few years now, I have been successful in the workplace, have an awesome church family, and have three beautiful children who love Jesus and continue to learn about Him.

I do not claim to be a 'mature Christian', I have so much more to learn and discover, but I feel honored that God has already used my story to help SEVERAL others.

 

I also want to say a BIG thank you to those that have sent me the sweet and encouraging messages, I appreciate it a lot!

Please feel free to continue writing!

June 19, 2011

Even though I don't need to defend myself, based on some of the comments thrown both on this blog and others,I feel I should clear something up.

I and two other pastors set up a meeting that was to be with JUST my mother and father.
When we arrived at my dads' church, my father had ALL of his deacons there as well as Dr. Dell.

My situation WAS to be a family matter, but my father himself decided to make it a church matter.
He was confronted by myself AND two pastoral witnesses in front of his own deacons.

I did as the Bible commands we as believers to do,but was only treated as a rebellious daughter and was not taken seriously by those in leadership at that time.

I have, and am still seeking counselling in this entire matter.
I would strongly advise any and all others who have suffered as I have to also get counselling.

You are not alone.

My Friend - Pete Reimer's Story ~ Part 1 (in his own words)

When I was first asked to share my experiences and tell my story I wasn't sure I wanted to rehash all that I have seen and experienced.

I have seen and heard many other people's stories and experiences and must say I'm not one bit surprised to see what is taking place.

I know many will not be able to truly and fully understand, or believe things which I will be sharing however, I feel that God did place me into many positions at PVBC for several reasons, and regardless of what others think, the time has come for me to start sharing what I have been through and experienced.

I would like to start off by saying that the things which I will be sharing are MY PERSONAL EXPERIENCES, and can only comment on those situations from which I have seen, heard, been involved in and experienced first hand.
Although I will refrain from many details which I am not at liberty to share at this time, I will try and share as much as possible as God gives me the liberty to do so.

I started off at PVBC looking to find a Bible preaching,teaching, and living church where my family and I could worship the Lord in freedom and honesty.
As many others I had lived a past that I wasn't proud of and now I was ready to clean-up my act and do what I could to serve the Lord.
Not long after we joined church membership and faithfully attended all services possible.
I was very familiar with the Sullivant family, seeing how they came to many of our family gatherings such as Christmas, Easter, Thanksgiving, and family Birthdays.

Shortly after joining the church My wife and myself were asked to help out Gary and Lisa with the youth and we agreed to do so.
This is where we first had the opportunity to know the youth and many families in the church.
After some time, Mike asked me to take the youth Pastor position because he had noticed that the youth had taken a liking to my wife and myself over Gary and Lisa therefore he had asked them to take over the Pastor position in Trehern MB.

I told Mike that I felt inadequate for this position but he assured me that this was what I needed to do, so I agreed .

Here is where Mike began to try and mold me into one of his own although at first I had no idea what he was doing.

When we first took over the youth Pastor position we had approximately 15- 20 youth and they didn't always all show up so the numbers varied.
With God's help we worked hard to make youth a fun, exciting, and enjoyable place for youth to come to and we saw the number of youth attendance go up to over 125 youth in under 1 year.
We knew God had blessed us with a gift to work with the youth.
Within approximately a years time, the church started CBBC and I attended this school for a B/T.

I now was involved in church and Bible school all but 2 days a month which I got off.

Here is where I would like to share some important information with everyone.

Much has been said about Laura, Discrediting her, falsely accusing her, calling her a liar, and so on. I knew Laura from a young age.
My wife and I were her Sunday school teachers, her youth Pastor, and friends.
I have seen her weakness and strengths, her dreams, her failures and success,her good times and bad times. I've known most if not all her boy-friends, her girl-friends,her likes and dis-likes.
I know her church life, her home life, and have stayed in touch with her throughout all these years.
One thing that I can say is that she has never been good at telling a lie with out it bothering her so much that she wouldn't go make things right.
She has a thing for honesty even if it gets her or someone else into trouble.
She along side her brothers, always had a desire to serve the Lord and to the best of my knowledge they are all serving God to the best of their ability even today.
They may have different beliefs and convictions, but I believe they are doing the best they can with what they have been given, taught, and told.
I know that people have no idea what this young woman has all been through and has had to experience.

The day she ran away from home and asked for me to pick her up, I knew that Mike had finally drawn the final straw with her.

I'd like to say that I was surprised but I wasn't.

My experiences working with and beside Mike showed me a side to him that many people have never seen, and those that have wish they didn't know.

The question has often been asked if any one has ever gone to Mike to confront him about his side.
Well believe me, I have.

At first when I noticed questionable situations, I approached him as a Fellow Pastor and Friend, all to no avail.

I then Prayed and searched the Scriptures in order to find answers on how to confront him. I then went to see Mike with another member, then another Pastor, Then two other Pastors. I have had many meetings and discussions with Mike and asked Him on several occasions to make things right only for him to tell me to stop fellowship with these other men and Pastors,and ask me if I was still tithing, tell me I was in sin, and tell me I had no right to question him.

Well, according to Titus 1:6-16 I have God's authority to question even my Pastor if I believe he is in sin.

I have been lied to from Mike on many occasions,I have brought Him proof of all my concerns and he refuses to acknowledge the proof.

When I brought him papers to show the proof he has torn them up and thrown them in the trash without even reading them.
When I brought other Pastors as witnesses, he has told them to leave or told them they were not allowed to speak.

For meetings, he has told me to come alone while he has brought all his deacons to defend him and hide behind.

Through my experiences I have come to know that He is a habitual liar,abuser,control addict, deceiver, and manipulator.

I know all to well who this man is especially behind closed doors.
He is accountable to no one.
No, not the church,or the deacons.
He is the final authority in his so called church.

I have many other Pastors, Councilors, and fellow believers who would testify the same.

I think that working as close as I did with this man for the years that I did have a pretty good idea who he is. I had a much closer and intense relationship with Mike than most people ever will.
I have been and continue to be threatened and have myself and my business defamed continually.
I am sure this will continue because Mike, and some of his deacons and friends, wish to shut me up because they know I have seen, heard, and witnessed things that they don't want revealed.

My concerns aren't with the church, only those in leadership who know they have gone astray and sinned, but refuse to confess and make things right, and continue to falsely accuse others.
It has been to easy for you for too long to turn the tables on others and discipline any one who stands up against you.
Innocent people have been deceived and hurt and had their families and friends torn away from them.

And this is a non-Biblical practice.
It is bullying people in order to control them, it is abuse, and I along with Jason and Laura and MANY others will take a stand against what has and is continuing to go on at PVBC.
Peoples' lives have been destroyed from the results and effects of there experiences at PVBC.

Pete & Connie Reimer - A Couple Who Helped Me

This particular post is one I am glad to put up.

Pete Reimer and his wife Connie are a couple that I respect and consider blessed to be their friend.

They were first my adoptive 'aunt' and 'uncle'
It was actually difficult for me to start calling them 'Mr. Pete and Miss Connie'.

All through the years, I felt that I could talk to them about pretty-much anything.

When they were 'church disciplined', I was already 18 and therefore allowed to sit in on the members' meeting regarding their being 'disciplined'.

My father, Mike Sullivant D.D., came down from the platform and paced along the front of the auditorium.
He proceeded to apologize for the church 'having to follow thru with the rites of church discipline regarding Pete and Connie Reimer'

I didn't know what to say, or to think?!?!
They had been such a huge part of my childhood/teen life...this can't be right!

Mike Sullivant D.D. proceeded to tell the members, that they (Pete and Connie) and been spreading and telling numerous lies about various members of the congregation.
I just sat there,beside my mom in the pew.

Since leaving the church, I have now been able to get THEIR side of the story. It is far different than what the members were told that night.

If it weren't for Pete and Connie Reimer, I don't know what would have happened.

That last night of my being trapped and guarded, I called a friend of mine using the phone in the hall at the church.
I would quickly talk to her for about a minute or so, then hang up...Wait a few minutes as a deacon came and talked to me.
Called my friend again and she suggested calling Pete and Connie to come get me. I JUMPED at the chance!!
After several short little phone calls to my friend, it was decided.

I put my duster and hat on, grabbed a calendar that someone had given me, and looked over at my baby brother Jeremy in his adorable little suit and tie.

I slowly walked down the road to a car repair place less than a block from the church, and hid behind a tree and waited for Pete and Connie to pick me up.
They took me to the college in Altona, which is where I had been living up 'til that point, so that I could get my clothing and more of my belongings.
My father had had someone change the locks so I couldn't get my things and we left.

I thank the Lord for putting Pete and Connie in my life, not just because of how they helped me get away, but also because of their testimony, leadership, and friendship

I am allowing Pete to tell some of his story here on my blog.
He has some outside knowledge that even I was not aware of while attending the college, that directly pertains to my life's story.

He will be able to shed some more light and give another point of view as to what went on.

I Am Not Ashamed

1 Corinthians 4:1-5 (King James Version)

1 Corinthians 4

 ¹Let a man so account of us, as of the ministers of Christ, and stewards of the mysteries of God.
 ²Moreover it is required in stewards, that a man be found faithful.
 ³But with me it is a very small thing that I should be judged of you, or of man's judgment: yea, I judge not mine own self.
 ⁴For I know nothing by myself; yet am I not hereby justified: but he that judgeth me is the Lord.
 ⁵Therefore judge nothing before the time, until the Lord come, who both will bring to light the hidden things of darkness, and will make manifest the counsels of the hearts: and then shall every man have praise of God.


I realize that there are a few people on here that are trying to scare others into not making comments.
Although I do agree that some of the comments have been rude and uncalled for, I do not agree with trying to shut people up by scaring and threatening them.

When a person is doing the will of God, we are to expect ridicule and persecution.

It is out of the need to protect others that I have started this blog (as I have mentioned in earlier posts)
It would be wrong for me to just 'let it be' when there are so many others that are hurting.

I want to protect my brothers and sisters in Christ

1 Thessalonians 2:3-13

³For our exhortation was not of deceit, nor of uncleanness, nor in guile:
 ⁴But as we were allowed of God to be put in trust with the gospel, even so we speak; not as pleasing men, but God, which trieth our hearts.
 ⁵For neither at any time used we flattering words, as ye know, nor a cloke of covetousness; God is witness:
 ⁶Nor of men sought we glory, neither of you, nor yet of others, when we might have been burdensome, as the apostles of Christ.
 ⁷But we were gentle among you, even as a nurse cherisheth her children:
 ⁸So being affectionately desirous of you, we were willing to have imparted unto you, not the gospel of God only, but also our own souls, because ye were dear unto us.
 ⁹For ye remember, brethren, our labour and travail: for labouring night and day, because we would not be chargeable unto any of you, we preached unto you the gospel of God.
 ¹⁰Ye are witnesses, and God also, how holily and justly and unblameably we behaved ourselves among you that believe:
 ¹¹As ye know how we exhorted and comforted and charged every one of you, as a father doth his children,
 ¹²That ye would walk worthy of God, who hath called you unto his kingdom and glory.
 ¹³For this cause also thank we God without ceasing, because, when ye received the word of God which ye heard of us, ye received it not as the word of men, but as it is in truth, the word of God, which effectually worketh also in you that believe.

I cannot speak for those that have chosen to comment, but for myself and what I have done, I am not ashamed.

If my telling my story has ruffled feathers, then so be it.
When I go to my church, I don't expect to always get a pat on the back for being such a 'good Christian'. I expect to get my toes stepped on.(sometimes it feels more like they're being stomped on)

If you're feeling so uncomfortable, and ill-at-ease about something that is said and/or reported,
could it be, that the Holy Spirit is stepping on your toes a little?

If we are truly innocent, then words mean nothing.

God is a just and righteous judge, He knows everything that is going on even if it is behind closed doors.

Due to numerous email responses I have received, I KNOW my blog has been instrumental in helping so many.
I thank God for using my story and life experiences to help others.

I will not back down because of threats

A Mother's Heart

During a meeting at my church this evening, I was reminded of how I need to constantly keep my heart in check.

For those of us in a leadership position, (ie, leading a worship team,playing an instrument in the church service,being a Sunday school teacher,etc) we need to make sure that our hearts are in the right place.
Yes, we may get tired and worn out....

But what does that say about our personal walk with God?

In listening to the message tonight, I immediately thought about my role as a mother.
That is one of the biggest jobs in leadership that we as women have,it is also one that God Himself has blessed many of us with.

As a mother, are we not a leader to our children?

We have been given the MASSIVE responsibility of raising young men and women to love,trust, and serve the Lord God.
Even though at times it may seem as if it was all for nothing...I don't believe it EVER is!
Gods' thoughts are NOT our own, and His ways are NOT our ways!
You never know what kind of impression you have made and are making on your little ones.
Impressions that will last throuout their entire lives. (No matter which road they choose later on in life)

I want to make sure that I stay close to God and His Word, so that I can continue to raise my daughters in His ways.
If my own heart and life are not right with God, how can I raise them the way they need me to?
Yes, I can pretend and fake my way through...But by not having my heart/life in line with where God wants me to be, I will prevent His complete and total blessing on my life and my childrens' lives.

I am saddened by some of the comments that have been made on my blog, and they are not just coming from the PVBC.

I would like to urge ALL of you, that even though most of you (not all) have chosen to remain 'anonymous', God still knows who you are.
HE knows your heart.

Please don't allow all the hurt and bitterness that has been caused by my father and others to consume your lives.
Your children, husbands, wives, and friends need to see how we as Christians can conquer and overcome!!

EPHESIANS 6:12


For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world,against spiritual wickedness in high places.

This is nothing new, Christians have been dealing with sin since the beginning of time.
If you let bitterness get to you and eat away at your life, you have chosen to allow Satan to win.
WE DON'T WANT THAT!!

Romans 8:37

Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us.

My First Day

Today is my first day at writing a blog.
I have NO idea how or even IF this will work, but I thought I should at least try.

The last few months have been a HUGE challenge for me, in ALL aspects...(ie., physically,spiritually,emotionally.)

I can't help but find it interesting, (and a little sad) when I hear about people having 'issues' with their siblings. I haven't been able to see my siblings since 1999.
People have no idea what really matters in a brother/sister relationship.
To experience weddings, to watch eachother's children grow up, to have your children be close to their cousins is something SO MANY people take for granted.

I am thankful...that my daughters are not quite old enough to think of the right questions to ask, but its only a matter of time.
I'm sure they've noticed, but they're quite about the fact that they don't know any of their cousins from my side, that they've never met their aunts or uncles...or get gifts from anyone during Christmas or birthdays.

My personal challenge right now, is to continue to raise my girls in a stable/balanced environment. I don't EVER want them to feel rejected or unloved by their mother or father. I want to raise them to love God and serve Him to the best of their abilities, and to stick to their beliefs no matter what garbage the world might throw at them.

Many people have asked me or made comments about how I am able to continue loving and serving God?

Well, there is ONE good thing that I have inherited from my dad, STRONG WILL and STUBBORNESS!!! LOL!!
I know what I believe, and why I believe it...If anyone can prove to me that I am wrong, then I am willing to change my line of thinking.
It wasn't God who abused me as a child, it wasn't God who treated me with anger, it wasn't God who told me I would never succeed in life.

GOD gave me the courage to run, even though I had NO idea who to trust or where to go.
GOD gave me the wonderful friends and friends of friends that assisted me in the worst of times.
GOD has given me talents and abilities that no man could EVER take away from me.
GOD has ensured that I HAVE succeeded in the things that I do in spite of being 'prayed over' that I would die

I guess the jist of my story, is that you should be thankful for ALL that you have...No matter how small it may seem.

No, I KNOW I'm far from perfect...We all stumble and fall, and we're ALL at different levels of maturity. I just have to 'stick to my guns'! And know that no matter what, GOD is there for me...Even if no one else is!

Alrighty, there's my first post! YAY!!