I Chose This Life

 Several months ago I had the mother of one of my kids' friends offer to 'help with university' as I 'must feel like I've been held back and unable to truly make something of my life due to my horrible past.'. 

She wasn't super impressed by the fact that I work at a dairy farm. Didn't I feel cheated out of making something of my life by not going to university like she was able to? 

Umm...nope! 

I have always loved working with dairy cows, not necessarily always with certain people over my 20+ years in the dairy industry but, I have never regretted my decision to not go to university and pursue a different career.

I love where God has placed me today. I am able to spend time with and homeschool my son Dexter, I am available for any and all medical appointments and school functions for my girls AND I only live 5 minutes from my job! I mean really, why would I complain?!?!?

An added bonus, is that I am able to contribute financially to our household, which is a big thing for me. I have tried being the stay at home mom that I see so many other women achieve (with success, I might add), but that life is just not for me or my family...at least not at this stage of our lives.

I don't feel gipped out of being able to go to University. It's not that I am against it or anything, I've just not had enough of an inkling to go, never mind spend the money on it. It has been and still remains a willful decision on my part.

So ladies, please leave other women alone. Don't attack their career choices or lack thereof. It's one thing if someone is searching for help/assistance in an area, but don't make them feel like they are 'less than' just because they do something that to you is a little on the ordinary side. 

Who Is Allowed To Have A 'Say' In Your Life?

"You need to wear makeup." 

"Don't wear your hair like that, it makes your face look too long." 

"Keep your teeth together, you look grumpy when your jaw is open."

"You had sex before marriage, you can't wear a white wedding dress." 

"You will never keep a job more than a year if you leave this one." 

"You should write in a private journal and not in a blog."

All of the above statements were said directly to me.

For some reason, that last one really ate at me and I have been allowing it to erode my purpose in writing in this blog.

While I do find it to be healing in sharing my thoughts and experiences, my main reason for starting and continuing this blog is to help others who have found or are in the process of finding themselves in similar situations.

Yes, I do write some more personal details and whatnot, but how else are we to reach others if we are hiding our true selves in the process? 

Who else other than myself, is in charge of what I choose to share about my life and innermost feelings and experiences? 

I am going to dig up the Laura that started this blog, to reach inside myself and unchain the grit and determination that I've had for so many years. 

Putting a stop to the intrusive thoughts, ignoring the people who discourage, and not allowing the every day stresses of life to put a stop to my current purpose in life needs to be of utmost importance right now.

To My Brother

I don't know what is truly going on with you, but I know you're not happy.

I've tried finding a way to get in touch with you by contacting family, but they will only read my messages without replying.

I know that you are hurting, that you think no one will understand. Your pain is something you are trying to hide within the deepest, darkest places of your soul.

Substances will definitely numb the pain, but only for a little while.

People within that life that you have chosen to surround yourself with are not family. I am.

I will ALWAYS be here for you!

I realize that you are being ostracized by others, and while I cannot offer you a place to live, or money(because we really don't have any), I am here to listen.

Please, I am begging you, contact me here on my blog or even on Facebook or Instagram. My phone number is still the same too.

Life is so intense and difficult, you don't need to deal with this alone. I have so many connections that can and will help you, whenever you are ready.

I love you!!