October 30th, 2020

Being strong is SO much more difficult than people think.

I don't know if there's any other way to put it. Sometimes you just don't like being the 'strong one', that you should be able to have a weak moment.

I remember as a teenager I had thought about joining the military. My mother kinda freaked out on me, she told me that she didn't believe that a Christian woman should join up.

But now, some 24 years later, I'm realizing more and more that I am a soldier for Christ.

Think about it... I've been abused in many ways with no remorse on the side of the abusers, I've had supposed family turn their backs on me when I needed them the most, I had to leave everything I ever knew to be able to save my physical/mental self.

I still have very little family who truly cares for me or my husband/children.

Doesn't that sound a lot like what today's military woman has had to go through?

I'm not looking for pity, I'm not looking for a pat on the back either. 

My goal is to encourage others through showing my pain and difficulties and how God is able to be there during all of it.

I think that God wants me to show people my heart, struggles and triumphs. I may be in the midst of a struggle and not able to tell you that I've gotten through something yet, but it'll happen...eventually. It always does, He is faithful that way.

Lately I've been finding it difficult to have my daily Bible reading. And Journaling, yeah....thats virtually non existent.

However this morning, as I was having my devotions, my 5 year old son was cuddling with me and we ended up just sitting there listening and singing along to Praise and Worship songs. As I sat there with my son, I felt this overwhelming peace come over me. 

My son Dexter has sensory processing dysfunction(sensory seeking) and ADHD but in that moment, that BEAUTIFUL moment...he was quiet and listening, sometimes trying to sing along to the Praise and Worship music.

God was telling me that I was still doing good, even though (in MY eyes) I didn't measure up to what I thought my life as a wife and mother was supposed to look like...I am whole in Him, I am right where God wants me to be.

Man, tears flowed down this momma's face this morning, I tell ya! It was amazing!

I realize that today's blog is a bit of a mix of two entries but its one of those 'sorry, not sorry' sorta things lol. 

This is just what you have to deal with today! (Or don't lol, that's fine too)

And to my baby brother,...I will always love you and will be here for you no matter what the world has thrown at you. My arms have been and always will be open.

Have a great weekend, my peoples!!